just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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