And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
