Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
