Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
