My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
