All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
