If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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