I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
