Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
