everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
