I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Houston, we have a squirter
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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