I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
