fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
