if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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