we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
