No awkward lesbian experiences without me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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