she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
