she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We have so much sex to catch up on
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
