Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
