I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
