Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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