Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
