Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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