guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
