so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This house was built for laser tag.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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