You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
