I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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