No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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