If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
