He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
