Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
