The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
