I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i barfeds in our rink
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
