I love black thongs
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
