you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
