Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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