guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
