if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
