I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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