Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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