I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
