i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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