If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
