Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Soap is not a condiment
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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