I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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