remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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