Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
