is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
