your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
