The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
