Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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