You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
