I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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