Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
