I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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