I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
