i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Terrible idea I love it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
